It feels good to do something without feeling the least bit of awkwardness. It’s as if you know that you were always meant to be doing that very thing. I think I now finally realize what it is like to be in your own element. And it may sound harsh, but somehow I feel like I’ve finally (finally!) gotten out of a suffocating trap that I’ve long been trying to escape from.
It’s not all peaches and cream though. In fact, I’m not even quite there yet. I’m only at the beginning phases and nothing seems to be a breeze. But still, everything ironically just seems a hundred times much more easier to bear these days. Amazingly, I find myself waking up everyday without much complaint and even with a lot of unexpected enthusiasm. And despite the exhaustion, I still find the energy to get through until I finally end the day by walking home despite the heat.
And believe me when I say that not everyone understands. And this is one of the hardest parts of making all these decisions. But someone once told me to never apologize for who I am or for something that I truly believe in. And so, that’s exactly how I’d want to live from now on… unapologetic for living “life” and being who I want to be.
These days I feel very much like a fish out of water, because to be honest, so many of these things happening are all new to me. It’s funny to think that at 21 I could be so naïve and experienced all at the same time. And there’s still so much of that dreaded UNCERTAINTY, although it’s funny how it all seems a hundred times more optimistic now. I guess there’s just no better way in starting the New Year, but with new beginnings…
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .… BUT I’ve had a colorful 2008. In fact, it was probably one of the most eventful (with all the highs and lows) years in my life so far. So here’s my attempt to the remember the highlights (from the most shallow to the happiest and even the not-so-happy times) of the year that has passed…
- spent New Year’s 2008 with my family complete (I count the times when we’re complete, because this rarely happens especially with Jay living in Manila and maybe soon, other members of the family will be moving away too)
- survived a grueling last Semester of my four years in Nursing –all those requirements, case studies, individual case studies, seminars, duties, completions, etc…etc… ETC…
- graduated from College and got my BS Nursing degree
- celebrated SUMMER like I’ve never had before. At times I was irresponsible, unforgiving and even selfish. But with all honestly, it felt good to just be YOUNG and restless. And I know that someday when I’m old and wrinkly (hopefully I’ll be sitting down with a grandson or granddaughter looking at photos), I’ll be laughing my ass off at the memories of having once enjoyed my YOUTH!
- got my first “unofficial job” as a ghost writer. That job surprisingly proved to be tougher than it will ever sound, but it was a good learning experience.
- drank and got drunk at the beach… I still laugh so hard at the thought of that afternoon. It may sound extremely shallow, but I believe every human being should try this at least once and see for themselves… try swimming in the ocean extremely tipsy and just FLOAT… Hahaha, you’ll never forget that feeling! This is definitely one item on my bucket list that has a check on it. I hope to do this sometime in the future again, perhaps in a more beautiful beach next time in some other exotic country. Ahh, to be Young and carefree!
- said “hello” and “goodbye” to so many people, so fast… And these days, I’m getting used to it
- My uncle passed away last Summer. The last time we lost someone in the family, I was too young to comprehend the loss. This time, I still can’t get my hands on total comprehension.
- 6 months of agonizing UNCERTAINTY…
- My dad survived a Coronary Artery Bypass Graph (CBAG) operation -5 arteries in his heart!!! It was a whole month of being in and out of the hospital. And there will be so much more from that experience... people were brought together in the most unusual ways
- turned 21... legal, yet still very much a kid at heart!
- I realized how life gives us pleasant surprises and little miracles every day.
- two days of happy family time then four days of liberating “me” time in Manila
- awakening, uncertainty, disappointment, clarity then contentment…
- lost my phone at the airport, then after retrieving my phone line and all my contacts, my SIM card broke just after a few days and I lost all my contacts again….
- had rare opportunities to spend time and have untainted memories with "people that matter"... close friends and family.
- had a wonderful Christmas with my family where at the stroke of midnight, we woke each other up, greeted/kissed each other and exchanged gifts… the last time we did that was when I was little
- the Christmas/New Year holidays were spent with the most important people –family and friends… endless laughter, stories and good times
- had a drunken rambling fit for the very FIRST TIME. I’m never doing that ever again…
- had a quiet yet interesting New Year’s eve... =) somehow there's a feeling of "closure" with one particular story
…so so soooo much more actually happened in between all these things. Some highlights are either too personal or too petty for me to include in the list. And some, I'm just not emotionally brave enough to tell or to explain to the whole world. Besides, it will be IMPOSSIBLE to fit the beauty and complexity of LIFE, even for just a year, in such limited space.
But like I said, it's been a very colorful 2008. There has been so many things that I've learned and so many things that I have been and am grateful for. Most importantly, I'm truly blessed that I got through the year with the people that matter always at my side in every moment, whether happy or difficult.
As for the new year, I really believe that I've started it right. And now, I'm pretty excited for all these new things going on and all the things that I'm just about to embark on. I am hopeful for the days to come even though I know that it won't always be a bed of roses. But I know that like the year that has passed, I'll get through the highs and the lows just fine. And with that, I am hopeful!
I may feel like a fish out of water these days, but it's such a liberating thing that it can only be goooooooooood. So CHEERS to a New Year and to a whole list of new beginnings!
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